“What is that feeling when you’re driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? – it’s the too-huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”
― Jack Kerouac, On the Road
I have two more weeks left in beautiful California, I don’t think I quite realize it yet! Every time I start thinking about it, my mind sets a huge blockade, holding up a sign saying, “no step further, beyond this point the likelihood of increased unhappiness and bad mood changes is intensified.” So I see myself walking away, thinking about the beautiful beaches and sunsets, all the people I consider my friends here now, the activities I have planned throughout the next weeks as well as about my past experiences, which all bring a huge smile on my face. I know it is the easy way, pretending that this great experience I made so far, just is not going to be over, but will go on. You can’t imagine how pleased I would be spending at least the rest of the summer here, as so many great things are coming up within the summer months.
Don’t get me wrong, it may sounds as if I completely hated my life back in Germany, that I don’t want to go back there at all. This is not true. I am super excited to see all my friends and family. Go to some of my favorite spots, and enjoy German food. But life in California just has more to offer. I believe what is my greatest hold back from wanting to go back is the instability I have at home. I am basically going to live with my mom over the summer, as I don’t have my own apartment anymore. I know I will only be home for a couple of weeks until I am going off to Scotland for my study abroad. I am super excited but it will be a completely new environment not knowing anybody again. After that my bachelor thesis semester is coming up, where I will be in a new city again, working in a company and writing my final thesis to get my degree. I have no clue yet where I will go for that. I know that I made all this choices and that I wanted it and still do want, but sometimes it is a little bit overwhelming. It is great to see so many different places of the world, and I am truly happy that I am the one getting the chance to do so, but sometimes I just feel I need to hit a pause button that allows me to stay a little longer in one place. And of course goodbye’s are always the hardest part about it. I had the chance to meet so many amazing people, feeling I just got to know them entirely and having to leave now. And that is sad.
But you know what, I will just try to make the best I can out of the 2 weeks I have left here, hoping that I will have the chance to come back in the near future, either for holiday or for work 🙂 And just follow this idea.
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”